PIKAÜBER aka Pikachu and Friends
by Angela Killingyourself
Summary: The untold story of Ash's überlicious Pikachu! Brock is sensible! YAY SELFINSERTION!
1. The Nightmare Begins

PIKAÜBER aka Ash's Pikachu and "Friends"

A stupid story by Angela.

Don't hurt yourself.

One day Ash and company— Wait, no. Let me try that again.

One day Brock a— crap.

OK, one day PIKAÜBER I MEAN CHU and friends were walking through woods, completely lost like a penguin in a desert.

"ASH! We're completely lost, again! It's all YOUR fault!" Misty screamed at the scrawny little boy in a hat.

"Nuh-uh! You were holding the map upside down!" the capped one shouted.

Meanwhile, Brock was smoking a bong. "Dude…" he said passively.

"LOL HES TRIPIN" shouted Pikaüber I MEAN PIKACHU loudly in clear and plain Ingles.

"Duuuuude…" Brock stared at Pikachu.

"Pikachu?" It questioned?

"Hey Ash, Piakchu is talking!"

Ash stopped quarreling with Misty. "Brock, he didn't say anything. You're just stoned again!"

"You're sexy, Misty." Brock affectionately nuzzled Ash's leg.

"Get OFF, Brock."

"No!"

"I wanna, Mommy!"

Ash groaned like one of those 4-legged mammals with humps on their backs that lived in the desert. I think it's called a spider. "Ugh…" He turned his cap backwards and let loose a psychedelic background.

"PIKACHU, THUNDERSHOCK, NOW!" Ash screamed.

Pikachu let loose a jolt of electricity that ripped up the ground as it went along. The electricity pushed Misty off to the side if it were a force and terminally electrocuted Brock. Ash leapt out of Brock's grip at the last moment he could. Ash walked up and checked his pulse shortly afterwards. There was no pulse. Brock was dead.

Pikachu rubbed its tiny and cute arm against the back of its head. "Pika..." it clipped, embarrassed-sounding.

Ash looked sad at first. Then he started looking kinda funny, like he had to pee. Then he looked scared. And THEN he looked mad. Ash took out a giant axe. Wonder where he got it?

**ELSEWHERE!**

Astaroth looked around. His giant axe was nowhere to be found.

"**WORMS!**" he screamed angrily.

**BACK TO THE GUYS!**

"BITCH I'LL KILL YOU!" Ash screamed, chasing Pikachu all the way to Olivine City. "HE WAS MY SUPPLIER!"

"PIKAAAAAAAAAA!"

"Ash! Pikachu! WAIT UPPPPP!" Misty screamed as she did a girly run behind them.

**- TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Gary!

PIKAÜBER RETURNS… with his "Friends."

More of the story by precious Angela.

Did Timmy fall down a well again?

So, the gang are finally at Olivine City, where they had a proper burial for poor Brock… the stoner.

"Dearly beloved…" Misty shrieked. "We are gathered here to mourn over this random guy that looks l— I mean Brock. He trained Rock Pokemon, like Geodad— GAH! GeoDUDE and Onix, which we released an hour ag—"

Brock popped out of the ground, half-covered in dirt.

"BUT WAIT!" the one with closed eyes spoke.

"OMG, PIKACHU! It's a Valentine's Day miracle!" Ash cried.

"But Ash," Misty curiously inputted. "It's almost Chri—"

"SHUT UP WOMAN!" Ash interrupted loudly. "DON'T MAKE ME GET THE PADDLE!"

"Yessir."

**LATER!**

"Let's have a "Brock's not dead" party!" Ash happily cried.

"That only took like, three seconds." Brock grumbled.

"Yes." Misty agreed. "Yes it did."

"Pikachu."

BUT THEN… GARY CAME ALONG!

"What'chu stupid fags doing, keeping up with me?" Gary slurred in his New Pallet Townian accent that sounds strangely Brooklynish.

"Wahhh! Gary's mean!" Ash cried like a little toddler. "Let's battoe!"

"Fyne!" shouted Gary. "Go, BEST POKEMON EVAH!" Out came a colossal, obsidian Charizard with piercing red fangs like a Seviper and sparklers taped to its wings.

"Fine!" Ash interrogated with a smirk. He pointed his finger towards Gary. "Go, Pikachu!"

Silence.

"… I'm not Pikachu, Ash." Gary stated.

"SHUT UP, PIKACHU! ATTACK THAT CHARIZARD!" The real Pikachu leapt into action.

Pikachu rushed towards BEST POKEMON EVER with amazing speed. But, it stopped abruptly as it had started inches away from the Charizard's feet. Its sparklers glazed like a honey-baked ham on Thanksgiving.

"Quick! Use a Fiyah Blast!" Gary said in one quick yell, barely audible to the human ear. Charizard roasted Pikachu like the little rat he was. But, when the smoke cleared…

"WHAT! YA DIDN'T EVEN SCRATCH IT! YOU LITTLE FAT F—" An airhorn sounded in the foreground."--ER! I'LL--" Airhorn. "--ING KILL YA!"

"Wow, that's…" Misty strived for a word. "… Rash in a vulgar way that is untasteful."

"OK, Pikachu! Ram into it!" Ash shouted above the continued vulgarities streaming from the mouth of his rival. Pikachu messed up trying to use a Skull Bash. Instead, it flicked BEST POKEMON EVER, causing it to faint from its powerfulness.

"AND I SWEAR IT'LL H— Oh. I guess I lose. OK, bye, ya bastoids!" Gary walked off.

"… Woo! Go Ash!"

"Shut up, Brock."


	3. Rockets Ahoy! Not a Cookie!

PIKAÜBER STRIKES BACK with his "Friends!"

Angela kthxbye

Forum! No telling 3

Pikapal and friends were heading to the gym, when all of a sudden…

"PLEPARE FOR TLOBLE!"

…

"Jessie, no Engrish."

"Sorry…"

"Did you guys hear something?" Ash asked.

"No." Misty replied.

"No." replied Brock.

"Pi." RePikaed chulie.

"**Ahem… Prepare for tuh-roble!"**

"**And make it double!**"

"The hell?" Brock stuttered.

"**To protect the world from deva—**"

Meowth butted in. "Ok, cut it out, guys. No one likes dat."

Ash walked up to the talking Meowth who stared intently.

"…Are you my mommy?" Ash asked timidly. Meowth answered with a Fury Swipes to the face.

**ONE HOSPITAL TRIP LATER!**

"OK, finally." James sighed. "We're here to steal your Pikachu, Ash!"

"Aw hell naw!" Will Smith butted in. Misty bonked him on the head with a squeaky hammer.

"Get back in your corner!" she rapped. Well, not rap, but…

"Yes'm." And he did.

"Now, give it!" Jessie grabbed it and tried to walk to Team Rocket's Meowth-style air balloon, but Pikachu's struggling was too strong for her and she had a heart attack.

**ONE WEEK LATER!**

"Now gi— oh, what's the use." James sighed. "Let's go, guys." They trudged back to their trailer, I mean, house, I mean, **balloon** and flew away into Happy Magic Land. The end!

Ash did a scissor kick in the air and screamed joyfully, "YEAH! Now we can go win ourselves a badge! Right, Pikachu?" Pikachu happened to be on Ash's shoulder at time of jump, and he fell off, taking Ash's jacket with him.

"Pika…"

**- YOU ONLY GET A TO BE CONTINUED EVERY OTHER ONE**


	4. CINDER

PIKAÜBER, it's you and "me."

Angelas! AWK!

I like ice cream!

Visit my profile that contains a forum! DO IT NOW!

So anyway, Ash put his jacket back on and they walked into the gym. About time! TT

**BUT WAIT!**

"What th-- there's no one here!" Ash yelled.

Misty sighed. "Oh well. I guess we'll have to go into some lighthouse filled with people that happen to be Pokemon trainers, and cure some Pokemon of a disease."

"…What?" said the Brock.

Ash shrugged. "Well, I guess we have to head out to—"

Someone ran into the gym and crashed. Then they tried actually using the door.

"SORRY! SORRY!" they screamed. "I had to get the groc— Pokemon supplies! Yes! POKEMON SUPPLIES!"

"Nervous geek."

"Shut up, Misty." (Brock)

"Wait…" It took a minute to kick in for Ash's little pea-brain. "**CINDER?** But you said this was a non-self insertion story!"

"Well, I lied." Cinder replied.

"Where the gym leader, you friend?" Ash yelled.

"Don't you mean fiend, Ash?"

"…DAMMIT!"

"No cussing, Ash. I want to keep this at a K+. Did you see what I did with Gary a week or so ago?"

"Yes'm."

"Now, the real gym leader is under this white sheet."

"Uh… why?" asked Brock.

"I didn't want him to get all frosty in the snow. Now, here… HE IS!" Cinder yanked the cover off with a dramatic flair. Under the sheet was a young boy, trembling from the cold (probably due to the fact he was wearing shorts), a rookie trainer. Cinder left the scene in a flash of fire, but not before a quick showing of the middle finger.

"…" said everyone. The boy gulped.

"I FORFEIT!" he screamed suddenly. He then broke into tears and ran out the door. A door built into the ceiling opened up, spewing confetti and balloons everywhere, including in the mix… the Mineral Badge! It rocketed down towards the ground, but hit Ash (who was staring at the ceiling as if in a trance) in the eye.

"Ouch!" Ash yelled. "Ohh… a badge!" He took the thin metallic badge out of his eye (luckily it had landed horizontally, so there were no real damages). Ash yet again let loose a psychedelic background behind him. "YEAAAAH! I GOT THE MINERAL BADGE!" he screamed.

"Ash, no one cares." Misty said.

"Aww."


End file.
